Smile

I don't know if it is the dank weather that  I see before me out the window or what but I just feel...deflated.  Maybe I am just tired, I have been going to sleep at atleast near 1 in the morning, just lying there with thoughts of this coming weekend, I might be going to Guilford for New Dawn, and how I am not doing anything again for Hallowe'en, one of my friends did suggest something but that would involve me getting to London  and actually being allowed to go on my own as John hates cities and nightclubs. I keep thinking about the banquet and I keep getting more selfconscious about it, like am I over dressing, will the necklace be too much? am I going to make an arse of myself. 

I am also going stir crazy, I know that I have been out to LRP last weekend and I had a good time with friends but that is the only time I get to see them. I guess I am just used to being around my friends everyday from being at college and school. But now all those friends are far away in uni.  And some of my other friends I barely see, mostly because we play in different branches and its expensive to get to other places.

I have gien my cv in to a few shops around glos and applied for a few online, but the main response I am getting when I go in to a shop and ask is "no we aren't looking for anyone at the moment, but give us your cv and we will keep it on file" (and forget about you and give it to someone who applied when you had a vacancy.)  The only place that said yes they were looking for  people at the moment was this shop in glos quays where they sell mens shirts, ties ect and some womens shirts, quite a expensive place.

I decorated some cakes the other day with the FnH guild/church symbols. Some look like a chils made them and some look ok. The only problem is I think I havent made the icing thick enough, as the pen icing has beld in to the other icing and it looks bad now and the icing dough sweats so it looks shiny, but I don't know what it tastes like. I should be making more next week for the banquet.

I know this'll sound bad but I just want to go somewhere that isn't here, on my own. Away from the forest. I want to back to london, I havent been there since I was 6, I don't remember any of it,  I want to see the sights, soak in the culture, go see a play and get some retail therapy. But the drawbacks to this would be I wouldn't be allowed to go on my own there anyway, and I have no money o do said things.

Like many people have said, "Life's a bitch, then you die."

Yours,

Little miss F*$#ing sunshine.

Ideas

Well today I had a bit of a brainstorm/ brainburp.  Sometimes I think up stories that might have potential to be interesting peices.  My only drawbacks are, I can never begin them and I always either loose interest of reach a wall that I can not find a creative way around/over/under. Maybe if I give you the jist of it someone who is lovely enough will give me a creatie poke in the right direction for how to start the damn thing! And if it is interesting to more than someone than my head then I might NaNoWriMo it, but I will never in a milllion years get 50k words in a month.

So the jist....I don't even have a name for this either!

 It is set on earth but in 2120 and the world has been revaged by natural catastrophe, world war (and I mean all of it) and more natural catastrophe, the world is a series of different islands no bigger than the size of Madagasgar or an area of similar size. Cars are obsolete, but there are other forms of transport around.
There are just over 1 billion people left on  the planet, technology has changed but some people are yet to evolve.

Amelia is the focus of the story, she lives on one of the islands that used to make up the United Kingdom which in the past 50 years has reclaimed it's Empire, she has a simple life, but a more privilaged life than most people on the islands that make up the Empire. She has a bit of a struggle with her family, and some of her friends. She meets a person from another Island of the Empire of Britian, which is a relativly rare thing as people don't really travel from island to island anymore, most of people's lives are conducted by technology, Ameila's house may be ran by a computer, she hardly uses it, she doesn't use transport she walks to her job, the only real time she uses computers is for leisure and for cooking.

This is all I have really. I have to think of a real good reason why people don't really go from island to island, they can, there are boats and stuff, some just don't.


Ideas and suggestions welcome.

Dreams and the week gone by.

So last night I had a very odd and very detailed dream, it wasn't like a jumble of pictures and sounds and feelings it felt real. So from what I can remember as I have been awake for some time now was, myself and a few LRP friends, my LO Olly, his fiance Ellie, Seneschal Matt and CC Peat were all on a hiking trip in Germany, and for whatever reason it changed to a hotel in northern Sweden where we were next door to Alexander Skarsgard's house and I think I remember telling Olly and Matt to not play golf as it would to in the Skarsgards garden, then where they were playing golf turned in to a river as they had just got splashed by a boat. Then I remember looking at a map of Sweden and all the rivers were in a grid formation like you would see the streets of Manhattan and me and Peat were navigating our way to the coast via the rivers (there is no coast in NE Sweden, it goes in to Norway). We went back in to the hotel and it had changed in to an Apple shop, but then there  is a rather blank space and it jumps to the gilmore girls.

You know when you think of something and it sounds good and then when you wrtire it down it isn't as good. Well this is it.

Any way this week has been unpleasent. I'm just feeling a little like a puppet on string. So yeah I have been upset a few times this week. Yay. I think my brain has been giving me strage a odd dreams to distract me from the real world. I'm also worried about one of my friends, and I think a few people are.

I just need to get out of this  house, hopefully I will get to a little earlier today as we are going to the cinema in Gloucester later and I hoped that John would take us in earlier so I can have a wonder and relax.

I finally got Dragon age legacy, it is awesome but difficult. I died like a million times on the final fight so I had to go back to where I could swap over players. So I hope that I can work out a puzzle that John worked out for me as I don't think I saved it.

I should be practicing making cupcakes with dough icing but I have no motiviation whatsoever, I feel drained so I think I will just play more Legacy. I think I  just need a day alone where I can do things at my own pace and where I don't feel like I'm being watched or hovered over.


Watching Real Steel later. Playing New Dawn tomorrow and probably a whole load of nothing Sunday.


Roll on Nov 5th, I get to have fun, see my friends and dress up.

The internet

Lately this has been getting on my nerves by dropping in and out all the time. It gets really annoying when I am just trying to watch or listen to something and I have to refresh it a thousand times because the internet has decided to take a nap, or when I am trying to talk to someone and msn gives out or face book has a stroke and doesn’t send or receive messages. A friend of mine has this same frustration, though they live in a city not in the country like I do. I am actually writing this blog in works processor because the net wishes to p*ss me off. If the internet had an physical form I would take a flail to its groin.  I wrote an entire blog last night that took me ages to write, and usually blogspot saves as you go but as the net was blinking on and off so often it was failing to do so, so as I clicked publish nothing happened and it told me to log in, and when I got to the main page I had only saved one line, so a gave up, I couldn’t remember what I had typed, I just let my brain tick over. 

I think that if I ever get to go to Gloucester I will take the laptop in the a computer place as both the H and the v key are broken and it is really starting to annoy me.

So besides the net and the keys not working anymore, there have been other things that have been added to the pot of my stress today.  My cold has gone away but has left behind the cough, and I just don’t have the energy to cough anymore which makes it more painful, I just want to rip out my lungs, I mean they don’t really work anymore anyway, they’ll probably kill me one day anyway.

The inability to go anywhere more than a two hour walks worth away. John hating cities and general walking around said cities. I will never see London ever again at this rate.

Johns mother....*twitch*



Not having a job.

Not being near any of my friends.

Oh and my knees must think I am 60 because they are complaining.

Rant over I'm fine everything is sunny and not filled the psychotic thoughts. I have tea.