Smile

I don't know if it is the dank weather that  I see before me out the window or what but I just feel...deflated.  Maybe I am just tired, I have been going to sleep at atleast near 1 in the morning, just lying there with thoughts of this coming weekend, I might be going to Guilford for New Dawn, and how I am not doing anything again for Hallowe'en, one of my friends did suggest something but that would involve me getting to London  and actually being allowed to go on my own as John hates cities and nightclubs. I keep thinking about the banquet and I keep getting more selfconscious about it, like am I over dressing, will the necklace be too much? am I going to make an arse of myself. 

I am also going stir crazy, I know that I have been out to LRP last weekend and I had a good time with friends but that is the only time I get to see them. I guess I am just used to being around my friends everyday from being at college and school. But now all those friends are far away in uni.  And some of my other friends I barely see, mostly because we play in different branches and its expensive to get to other places.

I have gien my cv in to a few shops around glos and applied for a few online, but the main response I am getting when I go in to a shop and ask is "no we aren't looking for anyone at the moment, but give us your cv and we will keep it on file" (and forget about you and give it to someone who applied when you had a vacancy.)  The only place that said yes they were looking for  people at the moment was this shop in glos quays where they sell mens shirts, ties ect and some womens shirts, quite a expensive place.

I decorated some cakes the other day with the FnH guild/church symbols. Some look like a chils made them and some look ok. The only problem is I think I havent made the icing thick enough, as the pen icing has beld in to the other icing and it looks bad now and the icing dough sweats so it looks shiny, but I don't know what it tastes like. I should be making more next week for the banquet.

I know this'll sound bad but I just want to go somewhere that isn't here, on my own. Away from the forest. I want to back to london, I havent been there since I was 6, I don't remember any of it,  I want to see the sights, soak in the culture, go see a play and get some retail therapy. But the drawbacks to this would be I wouldn't be allowed to go on my own there anyway, and I have no money o do said things.

Like many people have said, "Life's a bitch, then you die."

Yours,

Little miss F*$#ing sunshine.